10 Ice Cream Flavors from Hell

By Recob

– January, 11th 2012

The person that said, “I’ve never eaten an ice cream I did not enjoy,” the same person that believes the doorway to Heaven has a Baskin & Robbins sign over it has obviously never tasted these wonderful flavors. (Wonderful to Someone) Welcome to “The Top 10 Ice Cream Flavors…FROM HELL.” A list of real ice cream flavors that you will not find in your neighborhood ice cream parlor unless you happen to live in Japan. Why is it not surprising that these weird flavors come from the same peoples that invented sushi? The next time you ask someone what flavor of ice cream they want and they reply, “Surprise me. I love it all.” Serve them up a big dish of one of these ice cream flavors and put that bold statement to the test.

 

Collagen is a protein found naturally in the body. It is used by the health and cosmetic industries to help revitalize aging skin. Collagen makes up 25% to 35% of all protein count in mammals. Why anyone would want to use it in ice cream is beyond me. (Could this be why the Japanese look so young?) I would not know whether to lick it or wear it on my face overnight to get that younger look. While I have known a few supermodels I would not mind nibbling on, I do not believe I would be thinking about their collagen. The lemon is a fruit that has more uses than you can shake a cone at. From cleaning products to pie and from cosmetics to insecticides, the lemon is one of the most widely used fruits for purposes other than eating than any other. So how did they solve the problem of lemon juice curdling milk and collagen? The world may never know this Japanese secret. I know I will not because I will never eat a collagen and lemon flavored ice cream. Sorry Yoshi, I just cannot do it.

 

For those of you that think Wasabi is a tribe of pygmies hidden deep in the Congo, guess again. While I would not put it past the Japanese to make an ice cream flavor made of that gooey stuff between elephant’s toes, (slow pygmies) Wasabi is actually a Japanese plant. Its root is used as a spice and is the main ingredient for the horseradish most commonly served with sushi. When you think about it, what could be more refreshing on a hot afternoon in Japan than a nice horseradish ice cream cone? Substitute chopped nuts for chopped raw fish for a complete meal!

 

Speaking of chopped raw fish, no salad would be complete without a dish of tuna fish ice cream. You have heard the old saying that you can tune a piano but you cannot tune a fish. Well apparently, you can, as long as it is squished up, mixed with cream, and frozen. I might be able to eat one of these if I had some mayo syrup to put on it. Unless all that licking uncovered a tuna fish eyeball. Then I think I would be in trouble. Can you say, tuna fish and puke ice cream?

 

Speaking of something that comes from intestines, Squid gut ice cream makes the top ten ice cream from hell list (not from hell, from Japan) It does not take a ninja master to figure out that squid gut ice cream is one of the most delicious of Japanese delicacies that can be found. The secret to this wonderful flavor is in the tiny chunks of squid gut that you can chew up and grind between your teeth to maximize the experience. I learn something new every day, I mean…, who knew squid have intestines?

 

There are two great benefits in charcoal ice cream, which is probably why it makes our top ten ice creams from hell list. (not from hell, from Japan) First, once you have eaten a bowl of this gray colored, icy cold treat, you do not have to worry about indigestion…, ever. Coating your stomach with charcoal ice cream is akin to drinking twelve bottles of Pepto Bismal laced with Elmer’s glue. The second and most useful benefit is if you are cooking out and you run out of fuel, well. There you have it. By the way, two days after you have eaten this delicious and nutritious ice cream, you can recycle it and save a ton on charcoal briquettes.

 

Indian Curry ice cream, not to be mistaken with Hautes Glaces is a very delectable treat made with, among other ingredients, Japans version of the original Indian Curry. To get an idea of what this tastes like without actually eating it, (or smelling it as it is very aromatic, to be kind) Japanese curry is usually used in the brown sauce that is served poured over most Japanese rice dishes. If that does not help, imagine licking a sweaty Indian Sumo Wrestler, which is why this came in at number five.

 

The deadliest form of ice cream known to man, Pit Viper Ice Cream tastes great. The danger is in harvesting the fast little suckers and then convincing them to get into the grinder. As a general rule, a pit viper would rather kill you as to look at you. Fortunately, the “pit” in pit viper stands for the unique indent between their eyes that allows the deadly snake to “see” an image of their prey from special sensors that detect body heat and convert in into a clear picture. To catch them, the chef covers his entire body with ice cream, allowing him to sneak up on them. If you believe that, I have a bridge for sale that you might be interested in.

 

A favorite of the Japanese Vampire hunter, this unique flavor may have been invented by the Italian Explorer, Vanito Helsingino, a direct descendent of the Vampire hunter, Van Helsing. Either that, or someone with really thick glasses grabbed the garlic powder instead of the sprinkles and the taste stuck. Regardless, garlic ice cream can be smelled from as far as three city blocks away so if you like garlic ice cream, just follow your nose. This flavor comes highly recommended as a spaghetti dinner desert.

 

The question is, if an Ox takes a drink of cold milk, does his tongue taste like ice cream? The world may never know, except the guy above. What we do know is that ox tongue ice cream comes in at number two on our list of ice cream flavors from hell. (not from hell, from Japan.) Different cultures have different ideas of what ox tongue actually is. In China, for example, ox tongue is simply a dough spiced and baked, rolled out in the shape of a tongue. In North America, ox tongue is actually cow tongue. Judging by the top cover i think the second one is a sure bet. Anyway, if you feel the urge for some delicious ice cream, try it and see for yourself.